Nobody Gets Out AliveHow to start the conversation
One small conversation with one person. Three questions to begin.
Not medical advice. This page is general information. Laws and forms vary where you live, and so does every family. Your doctor can tell you what applies to you.
The paperwork is not the conversation. Most families never have it, because it feels morbid, or like bad luck, or like betrayal: “If I ask what you want at the end, am I saying I want you to go?” The cost of silence is that decisions end up being made in a hospital hallway, by people who are tired, scared and unsure.
Start small. This week, have one small conversation with one person. It doesn’t have to be heavy. You could try: “If something happened and I couldn’t speak for myself, what would you want me to know about what you’d want?” Then listen.
Three questions are worth sitting with, on your own or with someone you trust. What matters most to you in a day, and what would you need to still be able to do for life to feel worth it? What are you most afraid of: pain, being alone, losing your memory or your independence, dying in a hospital? If you couldn’t speak for yourself, who would you trust to speak for you?
Your answers may change over time. What someone would accept at 50 may be different from what they would accept at 90. That is normal, and it is a reason to keep talking.
Covered in Episode 1: The Conversation We Keep Avoiding.